Back Again
by Cannibalistic Oreos
Summary: THIS IS A SELF-INSERT STORY BASED ON A ROLEPLAY. I HAVE WRITTEN IT FOR MY PARTNER. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE SELF INSERTS PLEASE DO NOT READ. - Canni is just a college girl, struggling to live the college life. So why does Duke Devlin insist on making it hard.


It had been weeks- Nearing the first month since he had disappeared for good. She had grown used to- and tired of- his constant disappearances and reappearances. After so much time since they first met, she had learned a lot about him. How careless he was with his money, how concerned he was with being right.

He would never admit to being wrong. And when he did, he made a spectacle of it. He made it seem as though because he said he was wrong, she had to instantly reshape herself to be perfectly fine with whatever had happened. She did the same thing sometimes… But that didn't make it any less annoying to experience. She tried to stay patient with him when he would pull that crap, but it was beyond difficult. It was difficult, but it was worth it. At least, it was at the time.

Her hands circled around her mug as she considered it. The scent of cocoa brought back memories from day one. When he had taken her to such a small café to try and convince her to give him a shot. He was always a player. Why should she have believed that she was any more than another name on his hit list? It took a while until she _did_ believe she was more than that. But there was just something in the way he held her hand and something in his eyes when he looked at her that made her comfortable enough to give him a chance.

And it was a good chance. She moved in with him, he bought her gifts, she took care of the cleaning, he won the bread. It was perfect. They had squabbles, sure. But who cares? He eventually confessed his love to her, and all it did was improve things. That's when the disappearing started. It started as just once and a while, but it got to the point that she left him. She left him and all her happiness behind.

She had since reacquired a home of her own, and was doing a rather mediocre job of taking care of it while she struggled at school. Dirty dishes were all over the kitchen, unfolded laundry left in their baskets and being used as portable dressers. This was how she lived. When she was a child she always had the idea that her home would be the neat-freakiest of neat. That there would be a place for everything and everything would be in its place.

But looking around now, it was apparent the only things in their places was the furniture. And even in that aspect, the couch was slightly pulled from the wall from when she went to retrieve a balled up sock from underneath it last week. She had a to do list to take care of, but no matter how big it got or how much free time she had, nothing was ever crossed out.

_Duke Devlin…_

That named was etched in her mind as though it was written into the flesh with a scalpel. The last man she loved; the last man who loved her. She had left him behind, and it was likely he would never be back. She could already see it when she thought about him. Probably doing a few shots with some girl from the bar and carrying her back to his apartment in a drunken stumble. Her friends always told her that he was a creep. That his feelings were lies and that all he had ever cared about was sleeping with her.

But Canni never believed it. She had grown to the point that she could see what flaws he had. But she also trusted him enough to know- or believe- that he was above that. After all, that's all she saw in him, too, before she had given him the chance he worked for. Sure, she had doubts. After all he could have been-

_No. Just stop. He's gone. There's no use wasting your thoughts._

With an abrupt inhale she stepped away from her kitchen counter, taking another sip of her hot chocolate and carrying it into her living room. She sat down in front of the table, cross-legged. With her mug still at her mouth, she overviewed the contents of the table. Her school books were spread out all over it. A stack of novels for English left unread in the corner, Poli-Sci and Egyptology text books hanging open and waiting for her return. She had to take a moment to laugh at herself as she stared at all the words laying in front of her. She thought High School was hard.

She was already going gray in this life-style.

As the buzzer from downstairs started to ring, she pulled the mug away from her mouth. Her head tried to go with it, though, stretching her neck as she awkwardly tried to swallow in that position. The mug managed to find a space on the littered wood, and as soon as it was safe she awkwardly scrambled to her feet. But not before giving the cup a cocked brow and reinstating its placement by commanding it to "stay."

She reached the intercom just as the second ring had finished. She pressed the button to speak to whoever was downstairs. Knowing her experience, it was most likely a salesman. Or, if she was lucky, a burly man in cargo shorts delivering her an early birthday cake. Oh, yes. That would be a dream come true. She shook her head at the thought, managing to catch a giggle along with her response into the speaker.

"Hello?"

There wasn't a response. She waited patiently, blinking a couple times in the time frame. The buzzer didn't ring again, however, and no voice tried to speak back. Maybe the cake waiting for her was too big to juggle in one hand to hold the button. She laughed again, clicking the next button over to open the doors downstairs. It was probably Girl Scouts- Whom she could definitely relate to, having been one when she was younger. Or maybe just a desperate ex-boyfriend wanting to surprise his old girl and try and win her back. She could help someone like that.

She headed back to her books. As much as she wanted to still be happy and silly it was still a bit disappointing. The idea of girls having relationships and being happy and independent when she was a slave to school work. She was a whiny brat, and having to study was definitely not the definition of "going her way."

She sat back against the bottom of her couch, pulling her Poli-Sci text book into her exposed lap; Her normal dress for living by herself was a tank top and boxer briefs; or, if it was morning, a baggy t-shirt and men's boxers. Either way it was light and casual and comfortable- the perfect way to be when you were by yourself.

Her tongue rolled around her mouth as she read, her teeth managing to reach the inner wall of her cheek to chew at and try and pick skin off. A bad habit she had gained when she was 16. This course was frustrating. She only took it on a whim- because she had joked with her friends from Senior Year about running for Prime Minister in the future. As if she could run an entire country. She couldn't even keep her own house in check.

She knocked her head back with a loud groan, staring at the ceiling before taking in a breath and yelling up at it. "I'm so tired of _learning! _You're tearing me _apart_, JESUS!"

Her shouts were interrupted by a haste knocking at the door she had just left. She lifted her head up again, pouting slightly as she stared at the hall. _I guess someone really was there for me._ If only it were a giant birthday cake.

"Coming!"

She set her book back and climbed back to her feet again, carefully stepping towards the door. She always had to forcefully elongate her legs when they were visible, so she carried herself over on her toes, gingerly taking each step as gently as possible. She reached the door and placed a hand against it, sliding the rusty brass chain lock out of its place and letting it hang limp next to the dingy wood doorframe. She kept her eyes downcast as she pulled the door open.

Anything to make herself seem cuter. None of it came naturally. She hated her looks and when it came to being in front of others, she always took extra care to be as good looking as she could manage.

Naturally she saw the guy's shoes first. They looked expensive- plain black, a bit pointed in the toes. Her first thought was somebody selling vacuum cleaners. Simply because that was the only door-to-door salesman she had encountered in her childhood. The only thing that came more often than them were Jehovah's come to spread the word of Jesus. The same Jesus that up until this year, Canni avoided like the plague.

As she started to move her head up, every thought flashed through her mind in such a fast pace it was as though she were moving in slow motion. Nice pants. Such a shapely body. Definitely smaller- and taller- than her. It was clearly a guy. Lighter skin. A red shirt. Then she reached the face, and every conclusion she had come to had meant nothing.

That eyeliner drawn expertly along his face. The usual headband and ponytail he never left the house without. The jet black hair and emerald green eyes.

For a minute she completely forgot his name. She was thinking about him not twenty minutes ago and with a snap of the fingers it was gone. Not Brandon, not John, not Alex, not Nick, not Connor, not Bakura. It was like every guy she had ever known zoomed through her head. Her tongue even tried to form Justin Bieber out of the haste.

"_Duke?_"

That was right. Thankfully. Duke Devlin was at her door. More importantly, her ex-boyfriend was at her door. And perhaps more distressing still, he wasn't carrying a birthday cake.

Despite how foolish she thought it would have been for him, he looked nervous. He looked nervous and dejected. He was obviously not here to watch _The Notebook._ She thought for a quick moment that he was here because he was sad, but she knew better.

Duke was never that simple. If she was expecting an apology or a discussion deeper than the surface, she would have to fight for it. She was going to get a mouthful of his anger- stemming from events that his own stupidity brought on him, no doubt- before she would ever hear an apology from his lips.

It's not like he was a bad person. Just sort of… _Slow._ Proud. Foolish.

"Can we talk?" he finally asked, his back moving from a disgruntled hunch to a sad attempt at straight confidence.

_That depends- are you going to be an asshole?_

"Sure," she responded, stepping aside and pulling the door further open for him. She tried to stay kind. As much as she would have loved to trip him across the carpet, he made an effort to come here and he deserved to be heard out. Whether this was true or she was letting herself get walked all over as usual, she didn't know. And really, she didn't care. Not on the outside, at least.

"I just needed to say-"

His thoughts seemed to stall as he finally looked at more than her face. She raised an eyebrow as she moved a fist to her hip, keeping her body in its frame as she shoved the door closed behind him.

"Yes?"

Leave it to Duke to completely forget everything as soon as he lays eyes on a woman's skin. Bloody pervert. He shook his head, and Canni watched the way his ponytail waved around behind it. He may have been a dick but damn did he have the looks to help her past that. He seemed ready to speak again, so she went back to mature concentration mode.

"I needed to say that this is complete bullshit. How many times do I have to come home to an empty apartment without so much as a text message? I get back expecting to be welcomed by a loving girlfriend, and I'm always stuck coming back to all your stupid friends hating me when I haven't been here to do anything wrong."

Yep. _That_ was classic Duke right there. She let him have his time in the spotlight, fighting so heavily the urge to scoff in his pretty-boy face. She had half a mind to ask him if he was serious, but she was well aware that he was. He was serious, and he was _stupid._

Once he was finished, she dropped her head. At first it was a hopeless sigh, but it erupted into giggles. Not cutesy "oh you're so funny!" giggles. They were angry, rude, insulted giggles. She lifted up her head and looked at him, giving him a face that screamed "are you _serious_ right now?"

"Oh _God._ You are seriously delusional, or seriously _stupid._" Her smile faded away ever so slightly, and she didn't hide the roll in her eyes. "How many times do _I _have to come back from school hoping to find a loving boyfriend, only to find that you've left on another one of your trips without so much as a note on the kitchen fridge? You always say you'll call, and you never do. You're right that you've done nothing wrong in the time you're gone. Because _being _gone is wrong."

This was the exact kind of squabble she was used to with him. She was obviously right, he was obviously wrong. And the only reason he would keep fighting was because he was too proud and too oblivious to see that he was in the wrong.

"How do you think I even keep a roof over our head? Those trips _pay_ for your school. Why the hell should I have to tell you every little thing I do? You're not my mother. You should just trust that I'm coming back."

With a seething exhale, she moved her fingers to her temples. Fantastic. She could only stare at him now. She had no response. He _did_ pay for her school. And she _knew_ that the trips were important. But there was no way she could convince Duke that only half of his argument was right, even if she readily admitted that half of hers was wrong.

"You need to leave." She sighed, stepping past him to take refuge in the apartment kitchen. She absentmindedly opened the refrigerator, hoping that something- _anything_ in there would make it seem like she was just busy enough that she couldn't listen to this crap.

"No I don't."

He easily followed her in, it seemed. He didn't have a single drop of remorse for what he was doing to her and it didn't matter. This is precisely why she hated being in relationships. She always felt followed and forced into everything. She consciously knew that he wasn't doing anything wrong by talking to her, but her heart never seemed to listen to her brain. Logic had no place in how scared she was of him right now. And all he did was take a step to a different type of flooring.

Despite her refusal, he pressed on, "You need to listen to me and get over yourself."

"_I_ need to get over _myself_? You're the one storming around with your fancy clothes and thinking that just because you throw money around I have to do the rest to hold us together!" Jesus in Heaven, she did not want to listen to this a moment longer. She was terrified.

This fear only alleviated when she felt his hand on her. He had grabbed her wrist. Pulled it away from her face to get a proper look. The wall she built up completely shattered when she was forced to look at him. This was about more than money to him, wasn't it?

"Who said it first, Canni."

Every constricted muscle in her face loosened as she took it into consideration. Who said it first. _Love._ Who was the first to say _I love you._ And who was the one who, after saying it, respectfully waited to hear it back. Who was the one who kept their hands to themselves for so long to respect the other's fear of being touched. _Who was it?_

"You."

As much as she liked to boast about not being proud… At that moment she was. She felt almost humiliated for having to answer in that way. She had to be. Because someone like Duke… Was going to take one victory and stretch it across every issue they've ever had. There was no winning against Duke unless you walked out on him. Something she had resorted to a few times to get her point across. But she can't leave now. But she couldn't just sit here and let him walk all over her, either. He was the one trying to get her to stop doing that. Since the day they met.

"Exactly. So don't tell me that I'm making you do everything."

She sighed, turning towards her feet. She was so tired of having this argument. So tired of letting him win. But no matter how much she let him win it never changed how she felt about it. This wasn't going to be fixed by her staying silent.

"Duke," she muttered, swallowing quickly before glancing back up at him. "Shut. _Up._"

His head tugged back, and she saw in his eyes the way the pride that he had gained shattered to the ground.

"You _leave_ me. _Alone._ For _weeks_ at a time. I know that you have been paying for a lot and please don't mistake this as me not appreciating it. I owe _tonnes_ to you." Her hands moved to his forearms, trying to somehow reassure him. "But you leave me alone. You say you love me then abandon me. I finally gave myself to you and you just…" She winced, ducking her head. She hated even thinking about being touched. Her stomach churned, and she had to swallow again. "You leave again. It makes me feel like you're _lying._ And when everyone around me is telling me that's the case… You're just supporting it. You're doing this to yourself."

"Yeah, but I always come back. And fuck what everyone else says."

God, she wanted to be angry. But she was too exhausted. She let go of him, taking a good step away.

"…Just go away, Duke. I have to study."

"Goddamn it, Canni!"

And her wrist was in his hand again. But instead of being forced to look at him again, he was kissing her. And it wasn't the loving kiss she was used to from him. It was haste, and angry. It was obvious from just that that his patience was wearing thin. She should have slapped him, or kneed him in the damn crotch. But she just lifted to her toes and kissed him back- just as roughly as she was getting it.

He pulled away from her for half a second, if only to move his grip from her arms to her half-naked backside. He moved to kiss her neck, exhaling his words under an almost snarl. "Why are you so _stupid._"

She let her eyes close, tipping her head to the side. Her hips absentmindedly slid forward, either to escape his hands or to get closer to him. Either way it was affective, as his arms moved upward to tighten around the small of her back.

"The same reason _you_ are, Loverboy."

She easily accepted his lips again, however masochistic it would seem. And however worse it was… She let him lead her though the living room. She directed him down the hallway. She opened her bedroom door behind her and let him follow her through it.

This was the same way they had done it the first time. In the heat of the moment- through the rush of emotions. She regretting it last time. And something was telling her that this time around was no different.

But as stupid as he was, she still loved him. She tried to seem uninterested. She tried to convince herself that she had moved on. But in reality… She was as hung up on Duke Devlin now as she was then. If not more so. It may have been her tendency to attach herself to whoever would give her the time of day. But she didn't care. She knew he was an ass. That's all that mattered.


End file.
